fictional birthday

It is 3:11 am, I was born on March 11, it is kind of a time to wake up. Well, wake up … I would rather say time to sleep, but what can I do if dreams do not come?

People are strange and I feel like a stranger. I cannot fall asleep now, I make things bigger then they are. When searching for answer I observe that instead of looking inwards I try to find it elsewhere… on the internet, books, while the best and I would say even conforming way to start a search is to begin with oneself. Easier said then done, and even though I do not follow this advice as often I think there is much of truth in it.

Hmm I am tired. And I would like to write something. But I do not know what to write. I am in between past and future… That is quite an interesting reflection. Very many things are finishing at this moment in my life. Once I am done with my university (soon), I have to move out of the city. So this element of past is ending. The future is unclear too. I do not have concrete plans I do not have a new place to go, and I am waiting for something to show up. Well waiting, I am trying to increase the opportunity to get in contact with my future, to bring it closer to me. But things are not working out now… I suppose I shall focus on my thesis now… but again it is easier said then done. As now I cannot sleep. My eyes are closing and my mind is restless. Falling asleep is like a dream-world, which can be entered even through this type of writing activity. I feel that I am not patient enough. I would like to have things right away, and once I have them I eat them all at once… well not always but into certain extend it is true, otherwise I would not be writing about it.